Beautiful Shades of Color

Steven Covey has a quote I love “Strength lies in differences, not in similarities.” I’m a quote person – well actually maybe more precisely, I am a person who loves to understand the experiences of others, and I feel like quotes provide a glimpse into a piece of the soul of another.  The word “sonder” is the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own – how profound and amazing.  My daughter and I frequently ponder that as we sit at a café or walk down the street.  People all around us have profound stories and experiences – just as poignant and meaningful, wonderful and difficult, as our own experiences.  The song “I Gave You All” by Mumford and Sons illustrates that point to me when they say “How can you say that your truth is greater than ours.” 

So simple. So poignant. And so very true.  Our truth is based on our experiences, the life we have lived, and what we have seen.  And somehow we make the leap that our truth is the same as those around us and when it is not we can negate the experiences of others because our own journey is different than theirs.  It seems to be part of the American Way to believe someone is right and someone is wrong – concretely right or wrong.  Frequently with no room for variations – we see shades of gray (or as I like to see it, shades of beautiful colors) as somehow wrong.  We discount things, and worse yet, people, because they don’t meet some arbitrary criteria we established.

I was recently walking the halls of a hospital with a loved one.  There was a young man on the floor who had been there for a number of weeks.  Ryan has some developmental disabilities, as well as, some mental health issues.  He was a delightful young man, with the kindest soul.  He made friends with everyone (including me) and talked about his dreams and aspirations.  During the course of my visit one night he made a really astute observation about his roommate and no one listened to him – including me.  About 20 minutes later an event occurred that showed how astute he was – he saw what we had all missed.  I was once again reminded of my own stereotypes and assumptions, reminded to not write someone off because they were different than me, but to listen more closely, to really hear from others. 

People all around us have profound gifts, the more we recognize that, the richer our lives can be.  The more we see that people all around us are having experiences that are just as profound as ours.  That though they may have lived life differently, their experiences are just as valid as ours.  Their truth is just as real, just as poignant even if it is different than our own.    Shades of color that, when we pay attention, can help us so much more clearly understand the wonders, issues, and complexities of life.  We can see more.  We can see further.

I work with families on a daily basis that are discounted or ignored.  Their truth, based on their very real and valid experiences, is different than many of ours.  Yet smart, profound and telling – a different shade of color that helps us more clearly see the issues, so we can more appropriately look for solutions.  Imagine what the world would be like if we embraced the idea of the word “sonder” – that we saw the benefit of those very real and different experiences of those walking around us – think of the problems we could solve if we could see it more completely.  Think of how much more rich the picture becomes when we add beautiful hues of color and design!